losing things

Yesterday marked one year since Samantha when to play with the Big Dog. Most days I just remember her fondly and laugh. On some days, like yesterday, the memory of it all comes crashing back. It's harder still when something happens to remind me of how much we love our pets and how it hurts so much when they are gone.

When I lost my princess, it felt like someone had drilled a hole through my heart while I was sleeping. Every day when I woke up I could feel the wind whistling through the vast, open, space.

Time is both forgiving and cruel. A year on and my heart is nearly filled back in. A year later and we have a new, very energetic beagle in our home, annoying and delighting our little old man to no end. A year ago I had my hard drive replaced. The things I thought that were so important to back up turned out to be the least important of all. Project files, old emails, and other crap fill up two years worth of CDs marked "Lucy B/U disk 1 of 2 _date_".

This weekend, I spent hours scanning old back ups trying to find a video we took of Samantha and Rocky howling together. While Rocky and Paddi are great friends, they just don't do the things that Samantha and Rocky did together. They're so much alike but so different. No more tug of war, no more howling in unison, no more napping in the same bed. All I want is to find that video. But time has played havoc on my memory and I can't remember which back up might contain that moment when Rocky and Samantha were at their beagle best.

ETA: Found it. It was in a restored file hiding from me. Whew! For your viewing pleasure:

anxiety

My tummy's all upset today. I'm trying to fire my client that I've been trying to fire for 18 months. Things are just right to fire them now. But I can't get them on the phone to tell them. Funny, eh?

All will be well once I just do it. I had this same feeling the night before my first triathlon. It went away as soon as I started swimming. I just need to get going off the starting line.

I take that back, I'm a genius.

I posted an ad on CL yesterday for a Virtual Assistant. So far I've received 148 responses... 127 of them could not follow instructions. Translation: they were crap. Several people sent me just a resume. No cover letter. No note in the body of the email. One "person" sent me a resume for someone else. I couldn't tell if he/she was using a friend's email, because It didn't write anything in the email. How do these people ever get hired anywhere?

This is the ad:
Small marketing communications company seeking a virtual assistant to help me maintain my sanity and stop chasing my tail. I need someone who is professional, confidential, understands sarcasm, appreciates snark, is tech savvy, and can help me understand what tasks to give away, brainstorm ideas, help with marketing or business dealings, make calls, and other fun tricks.

Instructions: If interested please contact me with your experience, website (if any), VA rates, and when you're available to chat.

Contract position.
Part-time position.
Telecommute OK.
Don't call this person... yada, yada...

I left the experience part open because I'm not actually interested in plowing through 183 resumes. I'd rather get a recap of their VA-ness and then move forward. Yes, it was vague. But I'm not the first and I ain't gunna be the last to test someone's ability to write an email for a job. And really, is that so much to ask? Write me something. Make me interested in you.

This part I added today, after the 123rd response:
ETA: This is a contract only position for someone who currently operates or is starting a VA business. The person would be paid as a 1099 independent contractor. If you don't know what 1099 means, or if you are looking for a W2 position, move along, nothing to see here... We'll get along just fine if you are able to follow instructions as indicated above.

Actually the first time I edited it, I was pissed that so many people thought that they were the "perfect" candidate and sent me their resume with no note/cover letter/thought. So this is what it originally said:

ETA: This is a contract only position for someone who currently is or is starting a VA business. The person would be paid as a 1099 independent contractor. If you don't know what 1099 means, then don't bother applying. If you can't follow the instructions above, you're not the one for me.

As you can see, my "nicer" albeit snarky half came back from her lunch break and I re-edited it to be less bitchy. Not by much though.

Anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time knows that I like to judge people. It's fun and makes me feel superior. And smart. Really smart. Today is one of those days.

I'm doing this so I don't have to work.

OK, I'll admit it. I'm avoiding something right now. The last week or so, work, aka, my friggin' own M to the F company, has been making my head want to explode. Sometimes I feel so damn stupid. There are things I want to do but my limited brain power keeps me from doing them. That's when my head starts hurting. You know that place in the top of your head that starts to ache when you think too hard? (ok, maybe YOU don't, but you don't have to rub it in) Yeah, well, it's on overdrive. And the panic-y feeling in my throat? It's there, too. Plus the wad of uncertainty in my chest and tummy. It all goes away when I go running or swimming or drinking. But really now, we can't drink/run/swim all day. (really?) Well, not anymore. I'm suffering from task overload. And idea overload. And clingy client overload. And I-wanna-fire-a-bad-client overload. Hopefully I'll get around to the last one today or tomorrow.

And I still need a web designer. Anyone know one?

Oh, I also need a Virtual Assistant. Are you out there?

If so, send me an email at ssommers AT muchado DOT biz.

drive by tri recap

1. I met and was photographed with Nichole DeBoom (aka little tits) from SkirtSports. That's me (aka big tits) with her on Saturday. This. Was. Awesome! She is amazing and has so much energy. I have a girl crush on her.

2. On the day of the tri, I woke at 4:38 am with a migraine.
3. But somehow managed to beat my time from last year by 7 mins, 48 secs.

4. Those of you still paying attention, this means I finished in 2 hours, 1 minute, 9 seconds

4a. That's me (ˆ) flying by my official Team Daphne Photographer on the way to the finish. (note to Team Daphne: we need official t-shirts)

5. The only thing that kept me going at the end was the thought of the beer tent. Hey, I had a migraine, not dead.

loopy

Tomorrow's another triathlon for me. Can you believe it's been a year since Heather and I did our first? Back then we were terrified of the unknown. Today I'm excited to get started. I want to seep in the moments, taking in all of the activity and energy that goes with the journey.

I'll go pick up my packet in a few minutes. Hopefully I'll get to meet the one and only Nichole DeBoom, creator of SkirtSports, marathoner, Ironwoman and all around kick ass cool woman. She's speaking at, oh crap! 11 am, at the race expo. It's 10:30 now. Move it! Hut! Hut! Hut!

I'm not sure why we take so much stock in what others think of us or say about us, but it is interesting how a kind word or a happy person can change our day. I'm starting to understand the how from the pre-coursework for my master's program. One of the readings is about how we interact with others. In it, it talks about how our brains are essentially an "open-loop" system. Open-loop versus the closed-loop system of our, say, circulatory system. In an open loop, our brains take in information, process it and tell us what to do or say in response. Our on-board computer reacts to everything. So says the reading, this explains why we react to others so powerfully. We are hardwired to respond in some way. They've done studies to show that people will sync with each other when they are around each other long enough. It also explains why sometimes you just don't like someone. They are out of sync with your little neurons in your brain.

Where was I going with this? Oh yes, a kind word or nice gesture. Wow, so I met these fine folks recently. She is a national speaker that teaches self-defense to women. He is her adorable husband. We had lunch yesterday and we all had wonderful things to say about each other. But they gave me such good feedback from a recent speaking engagement.

Last month I spoke at a seminar on brand management and using the tactics of Apple, Target, Starbucks, and others to grow your business. I researched and researched, practiced on the dogs, and dressed in my biggest Big Girl Suit for the presentation. I had a OK PowerPoint created from scratch. I had some one-liners to throw in for laughs. I was ready. But nervous.

See, I always feel like that little kid playing pretend. Like someone acting the part, but really not "real." So when Erin and Peter said I was great, and knew what I was talking about, well, I got that little rush of excitement/panic. These people, who know stuff, who have been around the marketing block, said I was the shit. (in a good the shit way, of course)

But they said that when they looked at my website, it didn't seem like "me" at all. That my website focuses on graphic design and marketing too much and not enough on the branding and communications stuff that (their words) I really am. All the way home from lunch my mind was racing. I kept thinking of what I could do, what I could change on my website to make it more, well, like me! But here's the kicker... I know very little about how to make a great website. I'm a print designer. That's what I'm good at. CMYK, lines per inch, bleeds, these are things I can handle. Not so much in the flash department.

I need a web person on my staff. My little intern is great, but she's not really "there." I need a really awesome web person for this and other projects. But instead of being overwhelmed by this, I'm excited to find him/her.

But that's for later. Right now I'm off to meet Nichole DeBoom. Yeee!