I take that back, I'm a genius.

I posted an ad on CL yesterday for a Virtual Assistant. So far I've received 148 responses... 127 of them could not follow instructions. Translation: they were crap. Several people sent me just a resume. No cover letter. No note in the body of the email. One "person" sent me a resume for someone else. I couldn't tell if he/she was using a friend's email, because It didn't write anything in the email. How do these people ever get hired anywhere?

This is the ad:
Small marketing communications company seeking a virtual assistant to help me maintain my sanity and stop chasing my tail. I need someone who is professional, confidential, understands sarcasm, appreciates snark, is tech savvy, and can help me understand what tasks to give away, brainstorm ideas, help with marketing or business dealings, make calls, and other fun tricks.

Instructions: If interested please contact me with your experience, website (if any), VA rates, and when you're available to chat.

Contract position.
Part-time position.
Telecommute OK.
Don't call this person... yada, yada...

I left the experience part open because I'm not actually interested in plowing through 183 resumes. I'd rather get a recap of their VA-ness and then move forward. Yes, it was vague. But I'm not the first and I ain't gunna be the last to test someone's ability to write an email for a job. And really, is that so much to ask? Write me something. Make me interested in you.

This part I added today, after the 123rd response:
ETA: This is a contract only position for someone who currently operates or is starting a VA business. The person would be paid as a 1099 independent contractor. If you don't know what 1099 means, or if you are looking for a W2 position, move along, nothing to see here... We'll get along just fine if you are able to follow instructions as indicated above.

Actually the first time I edited it, I was pissed that so many people thought that they were the "perfect" candidate and sent me their resume with no note/cover letter/thought. So this is what it originally said:

ETA: This is a contract only position for someone who currently is or is starting a VA business. The person would be paid as a 1099 independent contractor. If you don't know what 1099 means, then don't bother applying. If you can't follow the instructions above, you're not the one for me.

As you can see, my "nicer" albeit snarky half came back from her lunch break and I re-edited it to be less bitchy. Not by much though.

Anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time knows that I like to judge people. It's fun and makes me feel superior. And smart. Really smart. Today is one of those days.