I prefer the term 'break up,' thank you.

I did it. I broke up with them. It was hard because they would never call me back. So I did it by email. One step up from a Post-It note.

Today I got this email from my one time boss:

"Wow. If it wasn't bad enough that you "quit us," Jane* from the -deleted- department is going to take over for you. I think a lot of Jane but this isn't up her alley any way, shape or form."

*Jane ain't her name, by the by.

When my BFF got divorced, it wasn't because he was cheating on her, beating her, abusing her, nor was it that she was doing the same. It was because he was ignoring her. Taking her for granted.

A year after they divorced, she's lost 25-30 pounds and has gained new confidence. (I must say, she is HOTT and I'd totally do her.) He's still living in the same house and gaining weight every day. She's been dating and learning new skills, meeting new people and trying new things. He remarked to her recently that he really was an asshole and should have treated her better.

You think?

It's not scientific, but I'd be willing to bet that most relationships end because the people drift apart, or take each other for granted, or just don't pay attention to them. It's no different in business. Well, not for me. I need to know that what I'm doing matters to someone. I need someone to return phone calls and emails in some amount of reasonable time. (not never)

So, yeah, I broke up with them for lack of attention. I broke up with them because I think they were abusing my time and trust. I broke up with them for a lot of reasons. But the truth is, I don't regret it. Not one bit. Not at all.

I take that back, I'm a genius.

I posted an ad on CL yesterday for a Virtual Assistant. So far I've received 148 responses... 127 of them could not follow instructions. Translation: they were crap. Several people sent me just a resume. No cover letter. No note in the body of the email. One "person" sent me a resume for someone else. I couldn't tell if he/she was using a friend's email, because It didn't write anything in the email. How do these people ever get hired anywhere?

This is the ad:
Small marketing communications company seeking a virtual assistant to help me maintain my sanity and stop chasing my tail. I need someone who is professional, confidential, understands sarcasm, appreciates snark, is tech savvy, and can help me understand what tasks to give away, brainstorm ideas, help with marketing or business dealings, make calls, and other fun tricks.

Instructions: If interested please contact me with your experience, website (if any), VA rates, and when you're available to chat.

Contract position.
Part-time position.
Telecommute OK.
Don't call this person... yada, yada...

I left the experience part open because I'm not actually interested in plowing through 183 resumes. I'd rather get a recap of their VA-ness and then move forward. Yes, it was vague. But I'm not the first and I ain't gunna be the last to test someone's ability to write an email for a job. And really, is that so much to ask? Write me something. Make me interested in you.

This part I added today, after the 123rd response:
ETA: This is a contract only position for someone who currently operates or is starting a VA business. The person would be paid as a 1099 independent contractor. If you don't know what 1099 means, or if you are looking for a W2 position, move along, nothing to see here... We'll get along just fine if you are able to follow instructions as indicated above.

Actually the first time I edited it, I was pissed that so many people thought that they were the "perfect" candidate and sent me their resume with no note/cover letter/thought. So this is what it originally said:

ETA: This is a contract only position for someone who currently is or is starting a VA business. The person would be paid as a 1099 independent contractor. If you don't know what 1099 means, then don't bother applying. If you can't follow the instructions above, you're not the one for me.

As you can see, my "nicer" albeit snarky half came back from her lunch break and I re-edited it to be less bitchy. Not by much though.

Anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time knows that I like to judge people. It's fun and makes me feel superior. And smart. Really smart. Today is one of those days.

loopy

Tomorrow's another triathlon for me. Can you believe it's been a year since Heather and I did our first? Back then we were terrified of the unknown. Today I'm excited to get started. I want to seep in the moments, taking in all of the activity and energy that goes with the journey.

I'll go pick up my packet in a few minutes. Hopefully I'll get to meet the one and only Nichole DeBoom, creator of SkirtSports, marathoner, Ironwoman and all around kick ass cool woman. She's speaking at, oh crap! 11 am, at the race expo. It's 10:30 now. Move it! Hut! Hut! Hut!

I'm not sure why we take so much stock in what others think of us or say about us, but it is interesting how a kind word or a happy person can change our day. I'm starting to understand the how from the pre-coursework for my master's program. One of the readings is about how we interact with others. In it, it talks about how our brains are essentially an "open-loop" system. Open-loop versus the closed-loop system of our, say, circulatory system. In an open loop, our brains take in information, process it and tell us what to do or say in response. Our on-board computer reacts to everything. So says the reading, this explains why we react to others so powerfully. We are hardwired to respond in some way. They've done studies to show that people will sync with each other when they are around each other long enough. It also explains why sometimes you just don't like someone. They are out of sync with your little neurons in your brain.

Where was I going with this? Oh yes, a kind word or nice gesture. Wow, so I met these fine folks recently. She is a national speaker that teaches self-defense to women. He is her adorable husband. We had lunch yesterday and we all had wonderful things to say about each other. But they gave me such good feedback from a recent speaking engagement.

Last month I spoke at a seminar on brand management and using the tactics of Apple, Target, Starbucks, and others to grow your business. I researched and researched, practiced on the dogs, and dressed in my biggest Big Girl Suit for the presentation. I had a OK PowerPoint created from scratch. I had some one-liners to throw in for laughs. I was ready. But nervous.

See, I always feel like that little kid playing pretend. Like someone acting the part, but really not "real." So when Erin and Peter said I was great, and knew what I was talking about, well, I got that little rush of excitement/panic. These people, who know stuff, who have been around the marketing block, said I was the shit. (in a good the shit way, of course)

But they said that when they looked at my website, it didn't seem like "me" at all. That my website focuses on graphic design and marketing too much and not enough on the branding and communications stuff that (their words) I really am. All the way home from lunch my mind was racing. I kept thinking of what I could do, what I could change on my website to make it more, well, like me! But here's the kicker... I know very little about how to make a great website. I'm a print designer. That's what I'm good at. CMYK, lines per inch, bleeds, these are things I can handle. Not so much in the flash department.

I need a web person on my staff. My little intern is great, but she's not really "there." I need a really awesome web person for this and other projects. But instead of being overwhelmed by this, I'm excited to find him/her.

But that's for later. Right now I'm off to meet Nichole DeBoom. Yeee!