Brings a tear to my eye.

The office I work in spends a lot of time tracking and submitting college rankings for U.S. News, Business Week and the Wall Street Journal. Rankings are important to some people. You want to know that your degree is going to mean something when you go out to find a job post-graduation.

My college is usually ranked rather high for certain criteria and the university as a whole is fairly well known in the region. Now there's another ranking to be proud of:

Stanford University Rises to the Top of 2008 Trojan Sexual Health Report Card

We're number 5 in the country. No 1 in the region. No 1 in the Sun Belt conference.

That's going at the top of my resume.

Lame Excuses

The Mandals Mockumentary has been shelved for lack of funding. My production company, Two Drunk Chicks, decided to drink our production budget instead of completing the mockumentary. Like the other unfinished masterpieces of all time - Orson Welles' Don Quixote, Monroe's Something's Got to Give, and Hendrix's First Rays of the New Rising Sun - Mandals On My Mind will sit on the shelf, gathering dust until such time as we secure another round of funding. (I suspect that it will be around December 1. )

Other lame excuses for not finishing Mandals On My Mind:

1. I finished my last tri of the season yesterday with my best time ever. I don't know how that happened, but I suspect that it had something to do with why my ass hurts. I went balls out on the bike portion, which resulted in a blazing fast time in the second leg but I'm paying for it today. (Eye Candy, below)
   
2. Looking for a place to live that meets all my tough standards: clean, safe, not a shithole, in a decent area, central part of town, close to public transport, has windows, no homeless guy living in my window well, etc. This is harder than it sounds, apparently.
   
3. Filing all my divorce papers with the county court. Royal P.I.T.A. But it's done. In another 5-6 weeks I shall drop the Mrs and go back to little ol' me once again.
   
4. Arguing over who's CDs and DVDs are mine or his. Honestly I could care less.
   
5. Reading, writing and 'rithmatic for grad school.
6. Doing other... things... that involve staying up way past my bedtime.
   
7. Spending more time than sensible at Jordan's playing Geeks Who Drink, eating, drinking, drinking some more, and allowing the bartenders to give me free shots.

Eye Candy: starting the run yesterday. (Yes, I run in a skirt. It's awesome.)
I don't understand those people who can look good after a triathlon.
I always look like a dead rat dragged around a nuclear waste facility by a drunken cat.

...and all I got was this lousy bottle of wine.

My connected friend J got us an invite to the Denver Broncos Darrent Williams' Fundraiser on Monday night. (Williams died in 2007 from a drive-by shooting on New Years Eve/Day. Tragic, terribly sad and tragic.) I didn't know that I was going the Broncos' event. She sold me the event like this: "do you want to go to a fundraiser where there is a lot of free wine and football players?" Um, yeah.

When I got there I realized, quickly, that I was duped. Duped I say, into attending an event with half the Denver Broncos football team and some of the Denver Nuggets basketball team. Damn her!

It was the typical silent and live auction-type fundraiser with fancy food and open bar. Oh, and professional athletes. Did I mention the professional athletes? At one point was chatting with a guy who happens to go to school with me (Schoolboy) and he kept looking away. I finally asked Schoolboy if he needed to go talk to someone. He did a double take and I looked over to where he was looking. It was Rod Smith. He then said, "oh sorry, you know when you're talking to a cute girl and someone famous walks by?" Me: is this supposed to be a compliment? Him: "I'm just torn between talking to you and getting my picture with Rod Smith." Me: I'm thinking you should go for Rod.

Mr. Rod Smith

Mr. and Mrs. John Lynch

Our new boyfriend Carmelo Anthony.

Two drunk chicks.

I also got excessively hit on by Wine Guy (no picture) who gave me a $45 bottle of Tempranillo as if it was no big deal. (I didn't know the price of the wine when he gave it to me. I looked it up on the interwebs when I got home.) He was a sweet guy but it was never going to happen... however, maybe I could just use him for his wine? After all, I am a drunken tramp with a wine habit.

Lukewarm off the press!*

*When news breaks, I take a nap.

The DNC has been covered ad nauseam from the politicians’ speeches to the protesters, from the friendliness of the locals to the lack of proper NYC-style party accommodations in the Mile High City. My coverage was a little different. I set out to document the weird, the odd and the downright freakiness that grew out of Denver’s Party of the Century.

Thank goodness I took the train downtown, because every street was either closed off or congested with cabs/protesters/police/MSNBC/tourists. The 16th Street Mall (pedestrian traffic only) was packed with humanity. And it smelled. Bad. I’ve never smelled that before in Denver. (NYC, yes. Paris, hell yes.) It was the smell of 500,000 hippies, PR folk, swag peddlers, porn peddlers, call girls, media, tourists, and delegates from Lincoln, all packed into a few blocks in 90 degree heat.

Highlights

Just a few cops. With great legs.



Not sure what his deal was.
Maybe he was just looking for an excuse to wear this?

It's not an invitation, just a suggestion.



Yes, it is fully automatic.

Closest we could get to the Pepsi Center/DNC Central.

Set of MSNBC. Look it's the back of Pat Buchanan's head!

We're talking Hardball!

What's a little copy right infringement between friends?

One for my Action Figure collection.

Pretty sure she's a call girl. Just sayin'.

The BIG show
The Daily Show filmed on my campus all week during the DNC. My friend T is a Jon Stewart stalker and she managed to wrangle up 8 tickets to the show. With laser like focus, and a little help from Bachelor #1, she was able to get us a spot in line that enabled us to sit in the front row during the show. Bruno was confiscating cameras and cell phones, so I didn’t take any pictures during the show. However, after the show, I managed to take a few on my stealth cam.

Waiting in line.

The poor bastards in line behind us.

Got our tickets!

There was a lot of waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. And sweating. (Man, it was fucking hot that day.) It was all worth it once we got inside for the show. There was a Q&A with “Jon” (we’re on a first name basis now) before the show. Guess who asked the first Q? No, not me. I drew a blank. (Hint: he’s my IRL stalker.)

Sample Q&A:
(Responses in parentheses)
- How many writers do you have?
(I don’t interact with the staff. They keep me in a sort of hyperbaric chamber.)
- If you could go on another show and get it canceled, which show would it be?
(Can it be a network?)
- How many houses do you own?
(One. Actually, I live in the back of one of John McCain’s houses.)

After the show. The set was smaller in person.

What did we learn about Jon? He’s as quick witted live in person as he is when scripted on his show. He’s got great timing and is charming. He’s also kind of short. (compared to me) But no matter. It’s not like I’m going to marry the guy. I’m just going to stalk him a little.

The show. Our group can be seen in the opening sweep of the audience.

Make that 4.

I officially have 4 readers. Gasp! I know. Bachelor #1 wanted to see what I was up to on the interwebs (hi). It's kind of weird having someone you know in person reading your blog. Come to think of it though, I know Cameron. And I know the Queen and Snowbird. So maybe it's not so weird. Don't think that I'll behave myself just because my IRL stalker is now a reader (hi stalker! Maybe the rest of you can welcome him. Tell him about your regular meetings. Wha... those were supposed to be secret?). Oh no. This just means that I need to think of even better crap to write about. No regular crap will do anymore. We're talking high quality crap from now on.

Just to tease you, my loyal lurkers and readers, the posts I have in the hopper include:
- DNC/Daily Show update (Saturday)
- mandals mockumentary (Sunday)
- Foreign guys' guide to picking up American chicks (someday)

Good quality crap to come forthwith. Tout suit. ASAP. (Like this weekend.) What can I say, school's back in session and I've got drinking to do.