Belize Baby!

Greetings from the Jungle! I'm in Belize for 10 days for my Leadership course. Interestingly enough, we don't have cell service here - BTL has a monopoly on signals - but we have wifi. In. The. Middle. Of. The. Rainforest. Really. We're required to keep and submit a journal at the end so I thought I'd post some of my entries for you all. (I can't seem to upload photos, the wifi signal can't support it for some reason.) Some are more academic than others, so I'll try to only post the fun ones. Try.

November 29, 2009
Tomorrow morning I leave for Belize on my travel course. I’m filled with both excitement and anxiety. Excitement for the travel and learning opportunity. Anxious for the big unknown. I’ve forgotten how much work it takes to get ready to travel and it’s double that when you’re traveling for 10 days to another country. It seemed so much easier when I was an exchange student in high school. (Then again, everything was easier in high school.) Now, at 35, I’ve got dogs to take to the sitter, bills to pre-pay, mail to put on hold, a house to clean, work to tie up and, then, get ready to travel. I’ve been checking the weather, reading the required readings and catching up on Belizean history. Like most countries, it’s history is much more complex once you start reading about it. Belize has always been on my “dream” countries list and now I’m finally traveling there. It’s even better that I’m traveling not as a tourist but as a scholar.

November 30, 2009
The flight from Houston to Belize City isn’t full so there is a little more room than my first flight this morning, where were packed into the seats like sardines. There is an excitement on the plane as everyone is in good spirits waiting to land. I sat next to a man on my first flight who had been to Belize before. He had mostly positive things to say about the experience, mostly about boating up and down the islands. His only negative comment was the conditions in Belize City. I can’t help but wonder about the property laws in Belize. The history reading didn’t quite answer the question of what the laws are now. In my Essence of Enterprise class we read De Soto’s Five Mysteries of Capital. He described why Western property laws don’t always work in developing nations due to culture, history, bias, religion, lack of education, etc. But he also stated, and I believe, that the way out of poverty is tied to access to capital, to land, to saving money. I also believe that the way out of poverty is education. I understand that in the history of Belize public education was lacking or prohibited. I wonder what the policy is now? The article about science in Belize suggests that there aren’t enough role models or access to science in higher education. These seem like basic questions, and they nag at me.

I got to meet a few of the students at the airport. They seem like nice kids. I say ‘kids’ without being condescending. I’m 17 years older than them. But we still got along just fine. We’re all in this together. Even if we have nothing else in common, we have that.

We arrived in Belize City about 1/2 hour late due to plane maintenance in Houston. Once on the ground in BZE, it took forever to get through customs – they had one officer checking everyone out – and I had to show my passport three times. Then we had to drive for 2 hours to our eco-friendly resort/conference center in the middle of the rainforest. They served us a yummy dinner of rice and beans, chicken in some sort of yum-o sauce, fried plantains and some weird potato/egg/pea salad (it was good tho).

I'm already sticky from the humidity. We can't use hairdryers here so I'm going to be au natural for 6 days, maybe all 10. They are 100% solar powered and hairdryers use too much energy. There is only one plug in our whole cabin. Yay frizzy hair!

Tomorrow we drive to Galen University meet with some college students. Hopefully we’ll also stop at a store because I found something to take back for stocking stuffers already – Marie Sharp's Comatose Level Hot Sauce.

Oh, Belikin Beer is the name of the Belizean beer. It's like Coors if Coors had no competitors in the US. Kind of like going to Golden. Paul says it tastes better than Red Stripe. Not sure if that's a compliment or not. ;)

I'm going to try to get some sleep tonight to the sounds of the jungle.

December 1, 2009
It rained last night pretty hard and we've got tin roofs in the cabins. Needless, it was really loud! It's also really loud in the jungle from all the sounds of bugs and monkeys and what ever else is out there. Three exciting things happened today:

1) This morning at breakfast they served eggs, beans, papaya, Johnny cakes and the biggest avocados I've ever seen! I wanted to take a picture but thought I'd look like a dork. Now I regret not. So tomorrow if they have them again I'll take a picture. I have to wonder how big the tree is on which they grew.
2) We visited Galen University outside of San Ignacio. It’s a small, newer university focusing on sustainability issues. They provide dual degrees with the University of Indianapolis. Everyone was very friendly and welcoming. It was funny being seen as the "international" students after being around all the ones we have at DU. We had two presentations from professors and one from a representative from PACT. I found it both surprising and sad that in a country as beautiful as this that there are no environmental laws and/or the preservation laws they have are not properly enforced. It reminded me of the scene in Pale Rider when Clint Eastwood’s character visits the strip mining camp and has a disgusted look on his face as they blast the hillside with water to mine it. When we get to BNE on Thursday I will ask them about mitigation and reclamation on the oil wells, as well as capping natural gas wells – they currently let them burn off, emitting harmful chemicals by the ton, no doubt.
3) On the way back from the university one of our vans was rear-ended, which resulted in us waiting around forever for the Belmopan PD to show up and a drive to the police station to give an official statement. Luckily, the van I was in wasn't hit so we were allowed to go back to our "home base," the conference center and get dinner. While we were waiting, the mayor of Belmopan pulled up to see what we were up to. So we got to meet the mayor, the PD and the locals, all in one traffic accident.

December 2, 2009
I'm working on my entry for today... let's just say we were sweating our asses off and then we went to the sea.

Single Mom

Do you have a "dream travel" list? I do. Countries like the Czech Republic, Greece, Cuba, Belize, and oh, everywhere, make my list. So when I found a class that lets me go to Belize and get 4 credits toward my degree, I jumped on it. The catch is that I'll be gone for 11 days and will need a dog sitter. With plenty of notice, I asked my ex to care for them. I thought, wrongly it would seem, that he would help. Because, you know, he wanted to keep them when we got divorced. Then, after a few months went by, he didn't want them as much, but said he'd watch them if I needed it.

Then, I got this email on Friday:
I'm really sorry but I will not be able to watch the dogs this time. I am planning to be in Vegas visiting the fam for Thanksgiving and won't be back before you leave. In fact I would prefer to be moved down the list of potential dog-sitters if you don't mind. This is very difficult for me because I do love them, but a lot of things are changing for me and it's just no longer comfortable or convenient for me to take them on, especially for such a long stretch as two weeks. I might be able to take them for a few days around Christmas/New Year's, but I can't commit right now.

There are a million different possible responses to an email like this. I really wanted to go to snark, 'cus that's what I do best. Here are my options:

1. I will make other arrangements from now on. You won't be inconvenienced again. Maybe I'll text you when Rocky dies. Maybe not. I'd hate to make it uncomfortable for you.
2. Oh, yes, I totally understand. Two weeks is such a long time. Why, I don't know how I possibly handle it for all the weeks in a row that I've had them.
3. Once again, I am so flippin' happy that we never had children together.

In the end, I think it's best to go with passive aggressive-infused guilt.

At first I was really upset. How dare he drop this crap on me when I'm working, going to school, being a single dog mom, and trying to have a life? Then I had a moment of clarity... I can take care of this on my own. I have been all this time. There are gobs of people more than willing to help me. My friends, people who care about me, are here to help. As a backup, I had the vet give them a bordatella shot yesterday just in case I need to board them. My brother and sister-in-law are going to let them stay at their farm, so it's all going to work out. This really is a blessing in disguise. Really. Now I never have another reason to see my ex again. I can finally let go of that part of my life. Let go of that person I used to be.

I think I'll celebrate by going to Belize.

The Tin (wo)Man

* cross posted with my "Executive Log" as part of my BUS 4610 class. We have to keep a journal through our process and turn it in at the end of the quarter. I thought I would save some braincells and post it here, too, as it is part of my journey.

I’m faced with both excitement and trepidation as I start my first week back at school in 11 years. There’s a scene in the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy comes upon the Tin Man rusted up. He whines something to her. She realizes that nearby sits a can of oil and starts to apply oil to his mouth so he can talk. As she continues, the Tin Man comes to life. I feel like my brain is that Tin Man, desperately trying to get through the content that is being thrust at us.

Like the Tin Man I am frustrated and overwhelmed by my own inability to connect the dots in my brain with the outside world. I knew that grad school would be a challenge. It’s not the challenge that scares me; it’s the anxiety I feel. I’ve always been that student in class, the one who is prepared and turn things in on time. (I've enjoyed and been good at school since 6th grade when the light switch turned on.) But I have this feeling that there is something I’m missing, there’s a part or piece of information that I haven’t come across. For years after high school I continue to have anxiety dreams. They are the ones where I’m late for class and don’t know the room number. Or the classic can’t find my locker or remember my locker combination. I know that they reflect a deeper sense of anxiety about my life and really have nothing to do with school.

The strange thing is that I really love beginnings. I’m kind of strange that way. When reading a book or watching a movie, the beginning, or story set up is much more interesting to me than the climax or conclusion. New things excite me. This is the point where I am torn. This new beginning, this grand change and short-term sacrifice that I’ve made for myself is an incredibly exciting and exhilarating new adventure for me. It feels like a roller coaster, and I’m sitting in the front with my hands in the air. My stomach jumps into my throat at each change in pitch. This class is that change. I just didn’t expect it. I don’t know why. The topic is incredibly interesting and compelling to me. I know that I’ll grow through the readings, teamwork and interaction with everyone from the professors to my fellow students.

At the same time, I feel that I’m not prepared for the self-evaluation and reflection that we have to do. I’ve always had this deep held fear that I’m not good enough to be my authentic self. But I know that I don’t help anyone by living small and scared. I hope to learn how to let go of those fears during this journey. My first step involves a can of oil for those rusted out academic joints and a lot of confidence.

The interview was the standard interview fare. The interviewer had a list of questions to ask and he took notes. I was allowed to go back and change or amend some answers if I saw fit, but I decided to leave them as they were. What do you think? Would you recomend me for admission?

Q. Describe your career path thus far?
A. Ketel One, Sauvignon Blanc and on Friday nights, Jamison.

Q. Why are you interested in pursuing a graduate degree at this point in your career?
A. I have too much disposible income and time on my hands.

Q. Describe how you interact in a team setting.
A. Mostly passive aggressive with a touch of snark and underhanded backstabing.

Q. Describe how you would handle a conflict between two team members if you were their supervisor/leader?
A. Put them in the jello pit and make them fight it out.

Q. What community involvement have you had/do you have?
A. Mostly with the disadvantaged trust fund babies. You don't know how bad they've got it.

Q. How would others describe your leadership style?
A. On a good day, Bette Davis meets QE II. Piss me off and prepare for some unpleasantness.

So? I'm a great candidate, no?