Wild and crazy sober Halloween

My dream of being a living Barbie doll was realized Friday night for Halloween. After weeks of looking for quad roller skates, and some last minute costuming, I was ready to greet my public as Roller Derby Barbie.


Because I was on wheels the whole night, I volunteered to be the DD*. Honestly, I just don’t think I could have stayed upright and gotten drunk at the same time. Plus, it’s just really fun to be snarky towards drunk people on Halloween. Hella fun actually.

Sarah's Unite: Hockey Mom, VPILF, Miss Wasilla 1984

Most of the reaction to my costume was: 1) surprised, 2) awed, and 3) lewd. About 98% of the guys immediately thought that I was Heather Graham’s character from Boogie Nights. No. I was not Roller Girl. (And, no, I don’t think that “heeeeeey Roller Girl!” is a good pick up line.) Did she wear a roller derby shirt and knee/elbow pads? I think not. Plus Barbie is a classy lady. Not like that slut that Ms. Graham played.


My favorite costume by far was J’s friend B, who came as Kipp from Napoleon Dynamite.

He looked so much like him that I’m still laughing as I type this. J and I hit two house parties over the course of four hours and ended the night at our regular hangout, Jordans. Because sometimes you just want to go where everyone knows your name. All the bartenders and waiters were loaded. I’m pretty sure that’s a liability of some kind. As DD I had to wait for my drunk friends to leave, which was closing time. After closing time really… The bouncer kicked us out. By the time I got home at 2 am, I had made a whole bunch of new friends and new found love for roller skating. Like so many other things, it really is like riding a bike.


*I took shoes to wear while walking and driving. I’m crazy, not insane.