File under: OMFG!

Don't you hate it when something happens to you that involves a friend but you can't tell said friend because it would really piss her off and hurt her feelings? Yeah. Me too. I have got to tell someone about this, and oh, look at that, you're the lucky winners.

Rewind a few weeks... my friends and I play trivia at the local pub every Tuesday night. Half the fun is effing with the quizmaster, who is a douche, but we mess with him anyway because it normally proves entertaining. A few weeks ago my friend J wrote MY phone number on the quiz sheet and turned it in with our answers for the round. The douche then calls ME and I proceed to laugh it off but give him J's phone number because she's kind of interested in him and I am definitely not.

So he calls her, they go out. He starts stalking her. Calls her several times a day. Wants to have her babies, etc. She avoids him until a few days before she's set to go out of town for the weekend (Vegas, actually). They go out one more time. He offers to fly to Vegas with her for the weekend. Creepy. She declines this creepy, yet generous, offer. She brings him to our student happy hour downtown. Being the passive aggressive type, she asks me what to do since he is now a full blown stalker. I drop a few hints with him that neither J or I are on the market for serious relationships. He gets mad and leaves.

A week goes by. He un-friends us on facebook (mature, I know). He stops calling her. We still go to trivia but she avoids him. We stopped effing with him on the trivia sheets. He's kind of a douche to me when I said hello one night. So we all figured that he's just a dick and let it go.

That brings us to last night. Oh lord. Last night he was a douche, as expected. But J being the snarky, passive aggressive, and slightly drunk blond that she is, decided to send him a blowjob shot anonymously. So he thanked the crowd for it and we thought that was the end of it.

Not so. J decides to re-start the effing with the douche. After 7 or 9 Mic Ultras, she writes on one of the answer sheets, "hope you enjoyed the BJ." Groooooaaaaan. The evening winds down. Our team loses. Horribly. As I'm getting ready to leave, I get a text message from the douche.

Douche: what are u doing after this :)

OMG.

To which I respond: why?
Douche: wondering if u felt like having a drink and hanging out?

OMG!

To which I respond: got to go let my dogs out. see u next week!
Douche: I can come to u. It does not have to be complicated.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

To which I respond: goodnight :)

Thing is, he knows that J and I are good friends. He knows that I'm going to tell her about this. He knows that this is the biggest douche move in the history of douche moves. Yet he does it anyway. I can't tell J. She'll be pissed and hurt and do something really stupid that could quite possibly get her (or me) arrested. Plus it's a douche move. But I can't keep it to myself. Something like this is too good to keep all bottled up.

OMFG.