peas and quiet

School's over for the quarter and I have a blessed six weeks before I must return to syllabi, team projects and irregular eating habits. Lo! But I agreed to compete in a school ethics case competition, which means no break from the team projects. Our ethics case is quite interesting... something about AIDS drugs and pharma profiteering. Yum.

Of course, I have actual work to do, you know the stuff that people pay me to do. The stuff that helps me pay my mortgage and wine bills. It snowed this morning, a clear sign that the Universe does not want me to work today. As I awoke to the quiet stillness of a fresh blanket of beautiful frozen moisture, I realized that I'd rather do Thanksgiving prep than work. It seems as if my work motivation is already on holiday. Every time I sit down to work on a project, I start to get droopy. So I take a nap. A few hours later, I try again. More droopiness. More naps. I keep telling myself that I have an excuse: I had a root canal yesterday, and prior to that I was hopped up on Vicodin (sp?). I have a good reason, right?

But I must carry on. Little children in India are learning the design programs that I use for work. One day they will take my job from me and only ask for $2 a day. This makes me think that I'm in the wrong business. (Actually, every time I pay the dog acupuncturist, I think I am in the wrong business.) I think I'm thinking about making a potential career change. (Or just running away from home.) In the past six months, I started realizing that I'm not 100% in love with what I do. Some days I'm not even reaching the 50% threshold of enjoyability. Then a funny thing happened. I took this class in school and we started talking about sustainability and corporate responsibility. From there I started reading about environmental damage and global warming, deforestation, chemical spills, plastic toxins, and so on. It really can mess with your head if you start thinking about it too much. That led me to the a-ha realization that as a graphic designer, I design materials that (get ready) people. throw. away. Ta-da! I make things that go from my computer, to a printer, to a mailbox, to a trashcan, to a landfill where it will sit for eternity or until space aliens discover our dumps and think they found a time capsule. Oh sure, some people hold onto this shite or recycle it, but for the most part, they toss it.

Then Paul Dolan came to speak in our class. Paul's at Mendocino Wine Company now, but he took Fetzer wines 100% organic when he was CEO. He spoke about organic wine growing, sustainability and lessening the footprint we leave behind. He also said that only 13% of Americans drink wine. This is a sad, sad little number. I am proud to call myself a member of that 13%. So I thought to myself, self, how can I be in the wine business? I love wine. I love organics. I love drinking wine. More importantly, I love thinking that I could make a difference in the world. Paul believes that if we can convert viticulture to organic and make money in the process, it will convert agriculture to organic, which will change the world. Most agriculture (and viticulture) is fertilized with petrochemical-based products. The pesticides and herbicides are toxic. We are pouring poisons into the earth without concern for the consequences. But what if we could increase the number of wine drinkers in this country to 15%? And a third of them drank organic wines? What would that look like? Wouldn't it be fun to try?

What if it wasn't wine? What if it was another sustainable product like biodegradable or compostable plastics. Or recycled products? Or renewable energies? Why can't I do something good for the planet and make money at the same time? Why am I limiting myself to an either/or situation?

My husband, of course, is alarmed. We staked our lives on my business. I quit my job and we've been living some lean years while we increased brand awareness and earned more business. I've got some projects coming up that could really put this company on the map. Maybe the way to go is to convert our company to a sustainable company. I could only use recycled paper. Print with soy-based inks. Do more electronic documents. I don't know if that is enough. I don't even know if that would satisfy me.

Oh, dog. What do I want to be when I grow up? I think I'll wait until I get through graduate school before I figure that out.