There’s more where that comes from…

You like that tidbit about former friend? Well, I’m pretty sure I’ve beat that subject to death in previous posts, but not the overall topic of firing a friend. What? Yes, the taboo of firing a friend. I think for women this is especially hard because we’ve been brought up to be nice, to work things out, to talk about our feelings. Sometimes that just doesn’t cut it. When the natural give and take turns into take and take some more, it’s time. Sometimes there are people that are so unhealthy for you that to make the effort and keep them in your life for the sake of friendship is only hurting you both.

I’ve fired several friends in my time. Do I have high standards for friends? Maybe. But I’d do anything for a friend, if it’s within my means. When they take advantage of that or use it against me, then for the sake of emotional survival, I’ve got to call it quits.

There are very few resources on the “hows” of firing friends, a few books maybe, but they never deal exactly with that one weird situation that sets it off. Good Morning America did a series on this, there was something in the Denver Post a few weeks ago, but they fail to capture the “what next” of firing a friend. How to get over it and move on? How to stop the scenes from constantly replaying like a busted VCR in your head? You just do. Time does it for you. You find yourself thinking about it every day, then every week, and sooner or later, just once in a while.

My mom, the wisest woman I know, told to write down all the things that upset me about this failed friendship. She said to catalog all the problems, the pain, the irritations and annoyances. So I did. Put it away for a month, she said, and then see how you feel. She said that if none of it bothers you, then you could try to work things out. So I put it away. For one month. Then another. Then another. It’s been 29 months and it still pisses me off to read it. So I stopped taking out the list and realized the inevitable.

There’s only one thing on my list: she never said she was sorry. Only the infamous, “yeah, well.”

For me, it was always painful to fire a friend. Excruciatingly painful at the time. It’s like a divorce, really. Except you can’t call an attorney to help sort things out. I think back to the weight of those failed friendships, the warning signs, the problems endured and I can’t help but feel relief. Could I have tried harder? Sure. Communicated more? Yes. Done something different? Of course. Was I part of the problem? Absolutely.

I acknowledge that I could have been a better person. But I wouldn't be where I'm at now. See, the clichéd silver lining is that I’ve learned things for my business that probably would have taken years longer. Like when someone is taking advantage of me. Or lying to me. Or portraying a false friendship to get what they want. My gut sends me warning signs when I come across these types of people. I’m learning how to recognize those signals and run, far, far away.