reset

Gaa, it felt so good to get that all of my chest. Sometimes I feel like a pressure cooker, dangerously close to bursting open. Be careful, lock the lid on tight. I think I've always been that way. I'm pretty sure I know where it comes from - a childhood hurt so powerful that I learned to lock up my feelings until they became large enough, too large for the space they inhabit.

Now that I link to this blog from my company website, I sometimes feel like I need to censor my feelings in less I offend anyone. I did that once. Maybe. I think. A friend gave me a referral for this guy who needed a new graphic designer. So I emailed him to see when it would be a good time to call/have a meeting. (I don't like cold calling people, it just creeps me out.) He visited my website and then this blog. I got a strange email back about needing a writer and graphic designer and did I write the copy on this blog. Why, yes, I do write the "copy." That was the last I heard from him. I guess I could go back and see what it was I posted to offend. The energy is not there to care. I have a Zen-like approach to business... I only do business with people who "fit" me and vice versa. This way, if someone decides to go another way, to another designer, I don't get upset because it was meant to work out that way. That's not to say that I don't try to get business, I do. I have a ginormous line item in my budget for business development (or BD as we say around Creative HQ.) But it's just that I don't want to invest the emotional capital in something I have no control over. Onward and upward, pip pip, carry on, etc.

I've thought about removing the link, but I think in this new economy a bit of humanity is necessary, vital even. I could be wrong. Time will only prove it one way or another. It just that I like to know the people I do business with. I like to know their hobbies, the names of their kids and what kind of vodka they drink. I like that I went to one of my client's baby shower. But I'm strange that way. Human. Connected.

Speaking of connected. Just now I connected with the other half of my brain, my dear friend Martha* who moved away a year ago. Martha is the other me I posted about a few weeks ago. If she lived nearby, it would be a natural fit for her to join my business. Alas, she lives far, far away and nearly complete with massage therapy school. While talking to her I realized that the time we worked together was one of the best working relationships I've ever had. It was the most fun, most creatively stimulating and intelligently challenging working relationship I've had.

I miss that. So, Universe, I'm putting it out there again. I need another me. Martha would do just fine. I realize that she is on her own path in life, but if you could clone her then send her my way, I won't complain about my golf game ever again. Well, maybe just a little.

*not her real name, duh.