working on it

Legs hurt from standing up for self.
Shoulders tired from carrying it all.
Lungs burn from winter cold.
Lump in throat grows bigger.
Topics hit too close to home.
Feeling alone in a crowded room.
Wanting to be anywhere but here.

it's a struggle to juggle

I've tried to write this entry for the past two weeks. It's been a struggle. Just getting out of bed at 6:15 after writing a paper until 12:30 am because I was at work - then class - all day, is trying. Top it off with the mental and emotional crap I've been swimming through and it's surprising that I can function at all. Every minute, every hour, every day, I feel like I'm wading through jello. Going to my part time job helps. Being in class helps. Running or swimming helps. Anything that I can do to keep my mind off the issue at hand. The issue that we've just started dealing with. The issue that I can't even tell my family about. I can't really talk about it with many of my friends. I don't want to talk about it with the Mr. But that's the problem. We are the problem. We had our first counseling appointment last night. We have two more scheduled for the next two weeks. I don't really know how I feel about it. I'd rather not feel about it at all, actually. Truthfully. Honestly. There's so much to fix. I wonder how much of it can be fixed. I wonder how much of it I want to fix. I don't have any answers today.